this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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