I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
