soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
