Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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