So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
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So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
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In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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