....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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