I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
