So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
