it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
