my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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