would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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