i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
