I'm going to jail i love you
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
