she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If I die, sorry about rent.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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