I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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