we have pet lesbian snakes
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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