That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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