no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize