Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
