he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
