i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
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I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
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hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize