what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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