either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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