Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
