i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
