Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
