I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Houston, we have a blender
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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