apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
