Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
