i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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