Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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