Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
