I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
