Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Randomize
