No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
