I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
