areolas are like halos for boobs.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
