Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
