Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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