I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
