Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
