note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
