He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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