omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize