i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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