I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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