pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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