I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize