hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
