I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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