You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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