My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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