We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
