You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
