Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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