I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
tonight lets celebrate not being married
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
