Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
