I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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