to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
