There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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