I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
