need another drink. this is the easiest way
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
