I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
