I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize