I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
