i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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