I think my vagina is haunted
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
