What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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