So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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