i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
