I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
