i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
