So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
