My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize