someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
