When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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